Running Through the Pain...Running for Beverly...

This weekend as I join with many thousands of other runners to run the Houston half marathon, still wondering if I'm ready enough, very aware of the fact that I'm not in as great of shape as I'd like to be, I've decided to simply focus on this...
Finishing the race...doing my best, running through the pain. I've decided - I will not quit!
And here's the reason why, I'm running for Beverly.
As I've hit the trails this past month, often running in solitude, in quiet peace with my God, my thoughts & prayers have frequently gone back to my dear friend & college roommate Beverly Ulmer. She's a fighter. She's not a quitter. She's running through her pain in life. She's doing her personal best, she is running to WIN this race of life that she's on. And, she has become my inspiration in life to KEEP RUNNING.

Many of you reading this have journeyed a path similar to Beverly's, or have walked with a loved one through the agony of this dreaded disease. Cancer. I don't even like the sound of that word, who does? The fear that this one single word can provoke, the pain that this one diagnosis can bring over a complete family is just - HUGE. It seems to set it's ugly clutches on so many lives in our world that have been the most BEAUTIFUL, in every sense of the word, like my precious friend Beverly's life. It doesn't seem fair, it's never just, it never asks "is this a good time to visit?", it's one of many questions that I, like many of you, have for God someday. Why does there have to be cancer?

December 16th - I'd been having a kind of hard day that day, I was in some type of silly argument with my husband, I had yelled at my kids, I had complained to God about the "enormity" of the tasks that I felt compelled to accomplish that day, none of which seemed to be making much of a dramatic difference in the big realm of eternity anyway. And then that evening, I received an email.
THE EMAIL. The email from my friend Beverly that reminded me of my own "cancer" of sin, my own ungratefulness for the gifts that God has been so gracious to give, my own complaining spirit...it sent me to my knees that night & God continues to teach me through it even now.

She explained in her brief note that unfortunately the breast cancer she had been so courageously fighting for 3 long years now, through multiple treatments & surgeries, had now come back, for the 3rd time. To her lungs. Tears welled up in my eyes as I read the words & thought of this precious friend & sister in Christ. When is enough - enough? Hadn't she had "her share" of trials God? Not only battling breast cancer, but enduring 2 brain surgeries due to tumors unrelated to the breast cancer, journeying through years of infertility, & many other life events that would send most of us reeling? But, yet she seems to have the endurance, the amazing ability through the strength of the Holy Spirit, to KEEP RUNNING, never bitter, rarely complaining, still sharing hope to every life she touches.

Beverly - always JOYFUL, always able to make me laugh, always "quick witted," always loving & caring towards others, always living a life that would bring honor to her Savior Jesus Christ, such a beautiful person inside & out! I thought of our days rooming together in college, she had journeyed with me through my parents painful divorce & my dad's alcoholism during those days, we had journeyed together through studying, school events, and various boyfriend relationships & what we thought then were "huge" life issues. I had the amazing fun of journeying with her through her best relationship yet, meeting Dwayne, her future husband, & shared the honor of being a part of their wedding. We have always kept in touch through the years, never as much as we want to of course, but always able to pick back up where we'd left off in life.

Beverly - wife to Dwayne, together they have ventured through years of serving in full time ministry. Even through the cancer days, she has continued to be supportive & involved in his work, now as professor at Dallas Baptist University & through various interim youth ministry positions in the Dallas area.
Beverly - amazing & loving mom to Kyle & Kevin, twin 7th graders, and to Eric, sweet 1st grader...Beverly & Dwayne have known the pain of "waiting" for children & truly appreciate the gifts God has so Sovereignly placed in their home. They share the same heart that Troy & I have for adoption. They have realized what many couples who struggle with infertility realize in this life journey..."we" are not in control.
Beverly. Daughter. Sister. Friend to many. Her testimony of this process of grief she's working through has an amazing way of encouraging me. I always think I should be the one encouraging her when we talk or through our emails, but for some reason, it always seems to work the other way around. Funny isn't it? She knows what it is to face huge grief & pain head on. She doesn't run from it. She FIGHTS through, she doesn't lose HOPE, she doesn't fail in COURAGE. Sure, she freely admits to having her very real & "bad" days, she knows what it is to feel "weary," to be in need of one big, long nap, but she knows more than anything that GOD IS THE ONE WHO HOLDS HER FUTURE IN HIS HANDS.
Beverly is blessed to have one of the best & top physicians of breast cancer in TX., a doctor who doesn't like to give a "time limit" on fighting this terrible disease, but when asked, did share, "the truth is this, 50% of women battling this type of cancer may make it to 18 mos., some may live longer, others may not." The cold, real truth. That hurts. That in itself would make me want to run - away - very far, but Beverly instead, stands up to it, ready to fight it.
The chemo treatments have started again, & Beverly's doctor is looking into the possibility of helping her get into a new treatment in San Antonio soon, which has just finished the experimental phase. They & we who stand with her are not giving up! We continue to pray that God would intervene in fighting back this disease that would seek to take Beverly's life too early from this world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_yivlcCpB4

Would you join me today in praying for Beverly & her family and for these months ahead as they literally "fight it out" against this disease of cancer? So many of you have shared her experience & know how to pray, you know what it's like, you understand her pain & the pain her loved ones feel in watching her battle this cancer.

I've learned so much from watching her walk with Christ deepen during these difficult days. I've remembered that it's often in our darkest hours of pain, that we feel the nearness of His amazing presence. I've been reminded to not take life - my own - or my loved ones - so "for granted." I'm taking more time to soak in the moments of kissing my children goodnight, reading them stories, playing, or just looking deep in their eyes & telling them how much I love them. I'm learning to take more time with my husband, I'm seeking to not allow the disease of "busyness" to drain or mess up our marriage, I realize afresh my commitment to him remains strong, no matter what we face together in this life. I remember that sometimes our quick words to friends, "sure, let's get together sometime," can be a good intention never carried through. Sometimes we just need to make it happen, instead of talking about it. I'm remembering, people are what's most important in this life, not things, not work, not money. I'm reminded that time is PRECIOUS, each day of life is a GIFT, not something to take for granted. I know, more than anything, I want to live ON PURPOSE for my remaining days on earth, I so desire to live with INTENTION, not wasting my days on things that really don't matter. I'm reminded again that this world is not our final home, that though these temporary bodies of ours are often frail & subject to illness & disease, our SPIRIT WILL LIVE ON, THANKS TO OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST.

So Beverly, my dear friend - I'M RUNNING FOR YOU THIS WEEKEND! As you continue to run through your "fight" against cancer, you have many friends & family standing with you, praying you through your pain, asking God for a miracle, trusting Him to fill you up with His peace & strength, relying on His grace to carry you through the darkest times of grief.
I love you friend...you're in my heart...always.

"...But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Phil. 4:13

"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

"The Beverly Ulmer Cancer Fund" is being established through Bank of America to help the Ulmers with specific medical needs & travel expenses related to treatment. If you are interested in contributing to this fund, please contact Troy & Debbie McDaniel at troyandddebbie@aol.com.
If you'd like to send a pray, note of encouragement, or correspondence to Beverly & Dwayne directly, please email dwaynebeverlyulmer@sbcglobal.net.